Marriage Counseling-A series on understanding your marriage relationship better

Is your marriage perfect? Are you happy with your life as a spouse? Do you feel fulfilled?

There are so many questions like these that we often ask ourselves in our relationships especially in our marriage.

Even if we don’t accept we know that any Marriage is not PERFECT. There are many ups and downs in it. In fact, there can’t be a 100% perfect marriage because 100% perfection means- fabrication, exaggeration, materialism, appeasement. A bond of marriage is made between two individuals who are totally two different human beings coming from different family backgrounds and might differ in their likes, dislikes, opinions, thinking, preferences and choices. This makes it very obvious that with all these differences possibility of having repeated heated discussions, arguments, anger, mistrust, dissatisfaction and frustration is quite likely which might culminate into separation or divorce.

There can be multiple fundamental reasons behind the above factors that can lead to the end of a marriage relationship. They are:

Although, no marriage relationship is perfect still it can definitely be made better by patience and handling the ups and downs in a positive and effective way for long term gains.

Getting help from a professional is definitely on the cards these days since most of the couples are either living in isolation or do not have the requisite support from friends and family. Additionally problems in marriage can even bring feelings of guilt, shame and uncertainty that pushes one away from discussing it with the right kind of people.

However in such situations seeking help from a Marriage Counselor can definitely bring perspective in the lives of the estranged couples and provide them insight into making the right decision.

We at Peaceofmind want to address this relevant issue with compassion and extend our expertise to one and all going through turbulent times in their marriage. In our experience we have observed that a little non-judgmental help from outside enables the couples to revisit their issues constructively and work on it for mutually beneficial outcomes.

Keep a track on this series of blog posts that we are doing on Marriage Counseling.

Each of these blogs in the series shall discuss and analyse each problem component in detail and provide tips, methods and tricks which will be helpful in improving your relationship with spouse.

So, keep watching this space, for our next Blog on "LACK OF COMMUNICATION".

Do not Hesitate to contact us for Marriage Counseling or Family Therapy.

write to us all your queries on atblissfulminds@gmail.com

or Call us on: 7836950905 / 9818217977

Peaceofmind Wishing Happy New Year 2021 to All

Love is in the Air - Short Love Story

Shivangi, entered the massive building of her very first office, with ultimate awe. All her doubts about her new job vanished, the moment she laid eyes on the huge five storied office. She thanked the almighty for his kindness and remembered her parents, whose sacrifices and support had brought her here to this day. She had her own job, her whole life waiting to be explored.

Shivangi was handed over to the core development team where she met her Manager, smart and dashing, Mr. Khanna, he was the same person who had come to their college for campus recruitments. Shivangi was all starry eyed and with lot of eagerness met her other colleagues & seniors.

Her eyes were constantly observing and absorbing this new place, the people around, the mannerisms, the movement, and the constant hustle-bustle going inside this IT firm.

The days were spent learning from the respective mentors, knowing about the various applications, how they work, the technology behind and performing minor duties and attending trainings. In between there would be the usual tea and coffee breaks, lunch, snacks. This was an entirely different world for Shivangi.

She had started becoming carefree with passing of time and would sometimes stay back late to finish off her work or rake her brains to get through the maze of codes and find some logical meaning.

Shivangi, gradually started noticing a pair of happy eyes watching her, coming near to the water dispenser, which was close to her workstation, every now and then. Below those happy eyes were 2 large lips always smiling, not particularly at her but everyone around in general. This was the same individual who would sometimes offer her tips on writing complex software codes, or provide her info on how to find certain files from the ftp, or when she would be stuck with some code-defects, show her the easiest of solutions.

Even though he was not the most conventional tall, dark & handsome person around but still she was attracted towards him. At the water dispenser they would often start off a conversation or joke about something, and have a laugh. The most important aspect of this person that was drawing her towards him, was his sheer balance of thorough knowledge on vast ocean of topics along with an entirely happy go lucky funny side. This one time she heard that he was being sent to France on an onsite project for a couple of months. She was happy for him still she could not understand that why somewhere in some little corner of her heart she was sad.

But little the two realized that this was actually the beginning of an elaborate long distance rendezvous which shall strengthen their bond for a lifetime. They started writing emails to each other almost daily and talked about every topic under the sun from family, to science, spirituality, social issues, to ideologies, expectations, feelings. Shivangi would wait for the office to end so that she could chat with him, after hours. During one such chat out of the blue he proposed. Shivangi could not believe her eyes, a weird feeling rushed through her veins and spread through her entire body when she read the 3 words flashing on her chat screen. She was going through mixed emotions and with shaking hands she typed,” how can you be so sure, we have not yet met properly and maybe didn’t even know each other so well”.

He said that he knows and that’s it.

Shivangi, remained skeptical although she was trying to be practical, she knew her father would never agree to this match. One day she poured her heart out and let him know that without her father’s approval she would never go ahead with their relationship.

In the mean time, Shivangi’s father was busy looking through marriage proposals, sorting and selecting and rejecting pictures of probable grooms. Subsequently on a bright October Sunday morning Shivangi’s father announced that they were going to meet a probable groom at the Indian Coffee House, the famous meeting place of many such match makers, and that they shall leave by 10 am. Nervously Shivangi dressed up in a red chiffon saree and tiptoed to the washroom to call him. She was a bit surprised and yet consoled by his soft yet firm voice that meeting someone did not imply marriage, so she had to just get done with it.

They reached Coffee house just before 11am & waited anxiously for the boys family to arrive. A waiter informed them that the family had arrived, since then Shivangi just kept looking at her fingers and toes. She had fixed her eyes on the ground. She just could not bring herself to look up eye to eye to the gentleman and his parents. But suddenly of all the voices, she heard a familiar voice, she lifted her eyes up and saw her beloved Shome standing in front of her, with that killer smile, that had blew her heart away, the first time they had met.

It has been 15 years since that day and they are going strong. Their love has grown and strengthened with the passing time, they nurtured it with love, respect and kindness, facing all that life has to give together.  

Friendly Gatherings- The Truth Behind!

ON A LIGHTER NOTE...

 

We humans are social animals a widely known fact. But when you try to dig deep into society, social gatherings, in particular social behaviour, it shall all seem False!

I am sure, many might not agree but just think about it!

I have tried to analyse one such scenario, I’m sure you shall enjoy it.

“Celebrating birthdays, anniversaries or any such social occasion when you need to have people around, the host decides to have a party. Both husband and wife start preparing for the gathering; they make a guest list, shortlist friends, send invitations, prepare the menu, their clothes, and in fact contemplate on so many things.

On the D day preparations are on the full swing, what one shall wear, how to decorate and make an impression on friends, getting everything ready on time?

All invites start arriving, greetings are exchanged.

And the hostess’s mind is racing seeing friends’ wife “Oh she is looking fabulous, her earrings are shimmering, no but she seems to have put on some weight!

The friends wife is not very different in her thoughts…Hmmm am I overdressed for the occasion? No! Hey her house is not bad at all, oh that piece of Art is just unbelievable!!

Gifts are handed over.

If both have children then immediate comparisons start; my daughter is not gaining weight and look at her daughter she is of the same age but has good health and height; hey her son is such a brat hope he does not hit my son.

Being a woman, I can vouch for the above because I’ve experienced the above emotions and they come naturally.

This is not the end though, all this carries on all through the evening during snacks, when more friends join in, during drinks, during dinner, during any activity up till the time the friends are leaving. There were lots of laugh, pulling each other’s leg, music, dance, gossip etc. it felt like all were satisfied & content and yes happy that they could meet and gather under the same roof and extremely enjoy themselves.”

Here is when I am forced to ask these questions;

Is it really true? How many actually appreciate the efforts put in by the hosts, how many sincerely talk & discuss genuine matters? Very few!

How many hosts attend to their friends with unconditional love and affection and kindness?

Think about it!

So though we might be social animals but society or social gatherings are just a way to peek into others lifestyles, attires, pay check and perform comparisons. Could be used in a good way but how often it is?

But yes there is no hiding of the fact that friendly gatherings leave memories of now and then, one relives their past…for few hours our minds are put off from the daily grind, routine mundane activities and gives us Humans a way to vent out.

So when and where is the next party? Which of my friends are coming?

How to Educate the Educated? The Dog Walkers !!

There is not a single morning while dropping my son off to his school bus stop that I am greeted with the most disgusting sites: Pet dogs relieving themselves and their owners looking here and there as if nothing is happening.

Point to be noted is that they choose the most happening spots.. front gate of a house, middle of the road, along the foot path, at the bus stop pavement (just imagine how difficult it becomes just trying to walk without stepping onto...and don't forget the amount of traffic these days ) and precisely leave the dog corners specially created for pet dogs and their owners of course.

What pride can there be to let the pets relieve themselves like this?
When its a well known fact that Dogs are the best trained why cant they be trained?
Owners who actually see no harm in letting there dogs sleep on their beds, why cant they train them to
relieve in their toilets?
Or at least have the decency to take them to secluded spots ?

There is one incident where once confronting a lady on why she was letting her dog do his poo in the middle of the road she gave me all sorts of arguments:
When you get the motion do you wait?
This is my road!
Do you expect me to train my dog? I said  EXACTLY!
Who are you to say this?
and it kept going until i left the scene.

She really looked like a highly Educated Lady!

Thank God its India hence total freedom to do what not, if it were UK you would have to walk with a plastic bag to pick up your dog poo, else you shall be FINED!!

Share your experiences too!

Looks like not many takers of my earlier post on Plight of Women.
Well this itself explains many things..

But the hard part is this is the daily life of females that i was talking about and hear about.

Ok maybe i shall receive some response on this aspect:

" Many inlaws demand a monthly sum (fixed) amount from their Son and Daughter in Law.
Condition here I am adding that the parents are well off, they actually don't need money." Is it right?
If the DIL disagrees then how does the relationship equation changes between Husband /Wife and ofcourse
DIL and her Inlaws?

--Its the duty of the sons to take care of their parents
--Good parents that i know and parents who have raised me never ask anything except love and respect
in fact they give back whatever is given to them.
--Many DIL give away their everything jewellery, earnings to their inlaws still they are not happy
--Ive seen  many true good to be true sons taking it as their obligation to keep showering and giving whatever the parents demand.

Again I come back to the fact that what is the role of the prodigal Son? How he should manage the above situation and his relationship with people he loves the most.

Plight of my female sisters around me

So much has been said and written about women, girls in general who are continuously targeted, tortured, abused, mistreated, disrespected, enslaved, used as a property, are a means of convenience under the false umbrella of social rituals, social obligations, to satisfy the constant male egos and dominance etc etc... and I still strongly believe that it is very less. A thousand lot more needs to be written about females and their struggles on daily basis.

There is not a single day that goes by when I not see or hear from my own circle of acquaintances, friends and family issues faced by females on regular basis.

I am raising few questions: and am hoping that all answer or at least pen down their true responses maybe we shall be able to understand the psyche of men, women, people in general about matters faced by us in general.

1. Should our respect for our elders be taken for granted by our elders?
2. why a bahu is always a bahu and a bahu and a bahu and never a beti, even when she does far more , sacrifices far more than the beti?
3. why the prodigal sons always evade from home turbulence, or in the guise of respect or ignorance do not address issues at home like they do so well in their offices?
4. why do parents don't teach their sons the lessons of equality, respect of women, family values, dowry is illegal, perform general household chores like cleaning the toilet, washing utensils, taking care of their clothes etc.
5. why are they trained with this notion that when young, their maa shall do everything for them, if there is a sister then she , and of course after marriage his wife will perform all his routine daily activities.

I think if we answer these questions a lot can be understood...so i am expecting all my friends, family members, and other acquaintances to kindly send your responses and we shall discuss all in length.
And please NO HARD FEELINGS :)